One small word can quietly change an entire conversation. Even when you’re genuinely trying to be curious, saying the word “but” can change how your message lands — and not in a good way. What was meant as openness can come across as dismissal, shutting down the other person before they’ve fully been heard.
Leadership expert Julie Winkle Giulioni points out that many leaders do this without realizing it, especially when they say, “I’m curious, but…” While the phrase sounds thoughtful, it often signals a shift from exploring ideas to pushing back on them. The result? Possibility narrows instead of expanding.
Her fix is surprisingly simple: swap “but” for “and.” It’s a small change that can keep curiosity alive. In this issue of PromoPro Daily, we share Giulioni’s advice on using leadership language that invites ideas and encourages people to keep contributing.
- Pause before reacting. Giulioni says it’s important to give yourself a moment to reflect before responding. This is especially important when an idea feels incomplete or risky. That brief pause helps you resist the urge to evaluate or correct too quickly. Instead, it creates space to ask better questions and signals to the other person that their thinking is worth exploring, not shutting down.
- Ask questions you don’t know the answer to. Too often, leaders ask questions to confirm what they already think. Giulioni says you should flip the script. Ask something that could truly surprise you. You could say, “What’s something you see that I might be missing?”
- Invite elaboration. Encourage conversation by saying things like, “Tell me more…” or “What’s your thinking behind that?” This keeps the discussion open instead of moving straight to evaluation, she says. It also helps surface assumptions and insights you might otherwise miss. This shows your team that their ideas deserve space to develop before being judged.
- Curate tension, not consensus. Rather than aiming for immediate alignment, Giulioni advises inviting diverse views early. For example, you could say, “Let’s pressure-test this idea. What’s the strongest counterpoint we haven’t considered yet?”
- Leave space in meetings. Literally. Giulioni recommends ending team meetings 5 minutes early and posing a single question — then going silent. Let curiosity fill the space instead of directives. “What are we not talking about that we probably should be?”
Try swapping “but” for “and” in your conversations. It can help your team members feel more comfortable sharing their ideas and it can keep conversations flowing.
Compiled by Audrey Sellers
Source: Julie Winkle Giulioni is an author, trainer, consultant and speaker who helps leaders and organizations optimize the potential of their people.
