Many of us tend to shy away from difficult conversations. We may prefer to keep the peace, or we worry about hurting someone’s feelings. It feels uncomfortable tackling issues like team tension or low performance, but if you keep putting off these discussions, misunderstandings can fester and team morale can dip. The issue won’t improve unless you address it.

Marlene Chism, a speaker, consultant and author, says every big problem an organization faces can be traced back to a conversation that should have happened. While you don’t want to avoid difficult discussions altogether, she says you should be strategic about when you delay them. We share her guidance in this issue of PromoPro Daily.

  1. When you’re angry. It’s always best to take a breather first. Otherwise, you may say something you don’t mean and focus on proving your point rather than correcting course. Chism says anger creates a sense of urgency, but don’t jump into the conversation right away. It’s best to sleep on it and do some preparation. Let yourself cool off until you can clearly articulate the facts.

  2. When the other person is emotional. Maybe the other person is angry or emotional. This is another signal that it’s best to delay the difficult conversation. If you notice the other person is getting defensive or extremely upset, she says it’s best to stop coaching and talking and acknowledge their emotions. You could say something like, “I’m sensing this is difficult for you.” They’ll likely feel understood and receptive to tabling the conversation for now. Depending on the situation, you could pick back up in 5 minutes or 5 days.

  3. When you haven’t prepared. Leaders sometimes speak impulsively when it comes to discussions about performance or behavior. This is because they often don’t know how to articulate the problem or even know the desired outcome. Once an issue has escalated, they shoot from the hip, leaving the outcome to chance, Chism says. Instead, she advises getting the facts first. Instead of declaring that someone “isn’t engaged,” document how their behavior affects the team. You should always separate fact from feeling, she says.

Some conversations can be uncomfortable, but they can open the door to improvement. Just make sure everyone’s emotions are in check, and you’re thoroughly prepared for the discussion.

Compiled by Audrey Sellers
Source: Marlene Chism is a consultant, speaker and author. She’s also a recognized expert on the LinkedIn Global Learning platform.